Baby Loss Awareness Week: Fundraising team taking on Three Peak Challenge

6 October 2023

Content warning: the below story contains sensitive information about miscarriage and baby loss that some readers might find upsetting. 

Tomorrow (Saturday 7 October) a team of Hertfordshire Police Federation members will be taking on the Three Peaks Challenge to mark this year’s Baby Loss Awareness Week. Together, they will be raising money for SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society), a charity that supports anyone affected by the death of a baby. A cause that connects each of them, having all experienced the heartbreak of losing a baby.

Simon Totten is one member of the team fundraising for SANDS after his daughter Maisie died when she was just three months old. Here, Simon is sharing the story of his ‘beautiful baby girl’ to help raise money for the charity but to also keep his daughter’s memory alive.

“Nothing compares to the pain of losing a child. It is horrendous and when it happens, it’s hard to see that there is any hope at all for the future,” said the 36-year-old sergeant.

Simon Totten's daughter Maisie died when she was just three months old.

When Maisie was born, there were initially no complications and she ‘seemed perfectly healthy’. Simon was the proudest father in the world. 

However, Maisie failed the routine hearing test that babies in the UK have after birth - and around a month later, Simon and his partner at the time, Maisie’s mum, were told that their daughter was deaf.

Over the next few weeks, Maisie’s health started to deteriorate, she was struggling to feed and became quite unwell. After being taken to Great Ormond Street Hospital, Maisie was diagnosed with mitochondrial disease - a terminal condition that means the body’s cells do not work correctly, which can seriously impact all major organs and muscles. 

“At that exact moment, my world turned upside down,” added Simon.

Maisie was taken to a hospice, and Simon was told that his little girl would die as soon as she was taken off breathing support. 

Simon continued: “We wanted her to die peacefully, and she did. Maisie was taken off breathing support and died very quickly, within the next half an hour.

“We put her in a baby grow and she died in our arms.”

Accepting what happened was a struggle, Simon admits. 

“I felt lost and didn’t know what to do with myself, and so, I just threw myself into work - it was my way of escaping what had happened,” he explained.

“I really struggled. I felt like I had no one to talk to and no one would understand me. Then I found the Force’s Child Loss Support Network, a space to meet others who have experienced similar to me. A place where people just ‘got’ me and understood the pain I was going through.”

The group was launched by fellow fundraiser, Hertfordshire detective sergeant Laura Bassett, who will also be taking part in Saturday’s challenge following her own traumatic journey. 

Laura founded the support group after recognising there was a need for those who had experienced such heartbreak to receive essential care during and after what can be an extremely difficult time.

“The thing is, blokes don’t often talk about their emotions,” added Simon.

Simon Totten holding his daughter Maisie.

“If, by sharing my story I can help others and give other men - and women - out there the confidence to reach out and ask for support, then that’s what matters now. I want others to know that it’s OK to talk about how we’re feeling, especially when they’ve gone through something so horrific like a baby or child dying.”

Simon went on to join the London-based SANDS football team - a group of men, all of which, have experienced baby or child loss, who get together for a kick-a-round.

“For most of us, the only thing we have in common is that we have experienced the death of a baby or child,” said Simon, who admits that joining the team has been fundamental in him moving forward after Maisie’s death.

“It was a real turning point for me joining the team. We’re a bunch of lads and some of us talk about what’s happened, while others don’t - but it’s a safe space for us.

“I’ll never forget Maisie. I celebrate her birthday every year and I’ll tell all of my future children about their sister.”

The Three Peaks Challenge will involve the team climbing three mountains within 24 hours: Ben Nevis in Scotland, Scafell Pike in England and Snowdon in Wales. 

The challenge is split across three states, with a total ascent of 3064 metres and a distance of 26 miles. 

To donate to Simon and the team visit their fundraising page.