‘It’s so important to talk to people’: former Fed member shares his mental health story

20 August 2024

When former Suffolk Police Federation member Adam Firman first became a police officer, he had probably not even heard of a podcast, let alone thought he would become the host of one as part of a different job two decades later.

Aside from retirement, the revelation that someone has left the Force will rarely prompt one to suspect a happy ending. This is no different for Adam – his departure from Suffolk Constabulary was with a heavy heart.

But for his own betterment, this is where his journey has taken him.

Adam’s policing career started in 2004 when he joined Suffolk as a constable on a response team in Ipswich, where he says he learnt the value of supporting colleagues and working as part of a team.

Forensic analyst

He was eventually able to tap into his main police interest several years later when he began a role as a forensic analyst on the Constabulary’s Digital Forensic Unit (DFU). His main duty in this post was to process evidence of crimes with some form of digital element.

“Technology was something I was always interested in, and being able to use this passion within policing was a dream come true,” said Adam, 43.

“So, this was a position I had never even considered, but due to long-term knee injuries preventing me from other paths, I was fortunate to find a great fit for myself and for the Force.

 

Former Suffolk Police Federation member Adam Firman.

 

“I was advised about the content I would have to process as part of the role, but I just had to give it a try. Until you’re actually reviewing horrific content, you just don’t know how you’ll respond to it.

“It’s the sort of thing no one can ever really prepare you for, anyway,” he added.

As a professional, Adam knew he had a job to do – to process. As a human being, however, he also needed to undertake another process – the one in his own mind, something he sought to do by compartmentalising.

“It’s hard to explain, but I just used to deal with it by viewing it simply as wrong. And that usually worked for me,” he continued.

Violence

“I was being exposed to things like extreme violence, physical and sexual abuse and exploitation of children, people being defrauded out of their entire life savings, and much more.

“Sometimes it would slip through and stay in my mind for a bit longer, but even then, I’d be able to deal with it on the drive home from work and leave it at the front door.”

He credits these responses, as well as in-person counselling sessions that were biannual and mandatory for all DFU officers as “mostly good enough” for his mental wellbeing to remain relatively free from damage.

Unfortunately, timing proved to change things for Adam, however, when these sessions were swapped out for online, questionnaire-style therapy in 2018. This coincided with the birth of his son a few months earlier.

While he may have gained the most precious person in his life, he had lost the crucial, interpersonal element of the service that used to help him decompress from the demands of his Force role

Adam revealed why this was a bad combination.

He continued: “It goes without saying that you miss out on so much when something like counselling goes from in-person to online – anyone would.

Emotional

“And for all the content involving children I would be exposed to at work, I now had a young child at home to connect it to. You see how defenceless they are and I couldn’t help but link that back to my own son.

“I noticed myself starting to get quite emotional when I would come home from work and see him.”

Without the support of what he deemed adequate counselling, Adam was left to deal with thoughts he could no longer leave at his front door, potentially impacting his relationships with loved ones. This developed into an extreme protectiveness of his son as paranoia set in about him being in varying types of danger.

Then, in March 2019, Adam made the decision to depart the Police Force in order to advance his career and leave behind issues he had found with pay and pension.

“It was a professional decision, first and foremost. The things I took exception to as an employee did leave me doubting that it was worth putting myself in harm’s way any longer.

“Ultimately, I wanted a fresh challenge in my work life,” he revealed.

Over the next few years, he developed himself professionally and also looked after his own wellbeing away from the Force, including in roles in consultancy and technical support.

Dream job

Then, in January last year, he started the job that brings him to the present day – perhaps even his dream job. Adam is now a Technical Evangelist at MSAB, the global leader in mobile forensic technology, which has given him a renewed sense of purpose. 

“I absolutely love the role,” he said.

“I’m getting the best of both worlds, because I still get to help law enforcement as part of working for the company, but I don’t have to expose myself to the same sort of content as before. And most importantly, I get to continue my passion for forensics.”

One of the main ways the 43-year-old is able to express his passion is through the podcast he hosts for MSAB, whose innovative software is used by 97 per cent of UK police forces. Adam is the voice of Forensic Fix, which covers the latest news and trends in the field of digital forensics and often features guests from the industry.

Within its episodes, the podcast has addressed the ever-growing threat of cybercrime, educating listeners on the dangers of the online world.

“It’s something I never could have pictured myself doing,” Adam admitted. “But I really enjoy it, and it allows me to use my negative experiences in the DFU for good.

“The most relevant episode we have done in this respect was probably one back in December, where I spoke to a woman who had first-hand experience of her child being caught up with an online predator. She is also the founder of ‘Not My Kid’, a charity set up after what had happened to her daughter which empowers parents to keep their children safe on the internet.”

Despite never intending to go into a career with media responsibilities, Adam was probably more suited to hosting a podcast than he ever would have realised. It has been through the act of talking and relating to people that he has managed to promote and encourage being open and talking to people.

Horrific content

“Obviously, changing jobs has helped me but it goes deeper than jobs – You have to find a way of coping when dealing with horrific content, so the way I’ve ultimately got through things has been by speaking to others. Whenever you’re feeling trapped inside your own mind, consumed by your thoughts, you just have to talk to someone.

“It’s so important to do that,” he added.

For all of his new-found fulfilment, Adam maintained that his journey is still very much an ongoing one and that when it comes to talking to people, the conversation never has to end.

“That sense of paranoia has stayed with me – it’s definitely still there,” he said. “For example, when my son does get a phone, he’ll be having something closer to a Nokia brick than a smartphone.  I don’t want to be that parent who stops their child from having things, especially when most other kids around him will have smartphones, but I need to find that balance.

“I became paranoid to a point that I’d say I am scarred for life with the way I view things online. But even if it does come from paranoia, I think it’s the right decision for me to make as a parent. And that’s the way I continue to feel, I’ll just keep speaking my mind instead of bottling it all up.”

Despite asserting that his decision to leave the Police was '100 per cent the right one', Adam, whose brother PC Jonny Firman is still part of Suffolk Constabulary, revealed there are elements of working in the Force he misses.

At the centre of his explanation was indeed the people, who he says make the Force work regardless of any demands or concerns there are to contend with.

The former Federation member rounded off with a message of advice for his former colleagues, as well as police officers nationwide.

“It was the correct decision for me to leave, but that doesn’t mean it will be for everyone. There is still a lot of amazing work that goes on in the Police Force, and I have so much respect for that.

“What I would say to them is don’t compartmentalise anything and look out for each other as colleagues. Whatever rank you are, whatever department you’re in, we’re all at risk of being exposed to things that can have a lasting impact on us,” he ended.

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